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Jurassic World fan rewrite and sequel
#1
While 2015's Jurassic World was a film I really enjoyed, I also noticed that the film wasn't without its flaws. It had pointless subplots, motiveless characters, a stereotypical villain, and way too much CGI in scenes that could've used practical effects. So, after having recently re-watched Jurassic World, I decided to fix its plot and characters by doing a rewrite of the film in a screenplay format.  Although I didn't change a whole lot, there are plenty of major differences in my rewrite of it:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B1padgU...poVDQ/view

In addition to rewriting that film, I have also written a sequel to that rewrite titled Return to Jurassic World (not the most original title, I know) which takes place three years after the events of my rewrite:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B1padgU...lFT0U/view

Synopsis for Return to Jurassic World: It has been three years since the events of Jurassic World, and survivors of the incident Owen and Claire are trying to lead new lives. However, their pasts come back to haunt them when they learn that Claire's nephew Gray has gone missing along with his teacher on Isla Nublar, former home to the theme park, during a surprise school trip to the island. Now, with the help of Dr. Alan Grant, a group of mysterious mercenaries, and an equally mysterious government agent, Owen and Claire set off to the dinosaur filled island on a desperate rescue mission. Little do they know that dark and dangerous secrets are lurking on the island.

Constructive criticisms, both positive and negative, are welcome on both scripts. Thank you and enjoy!
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#2
Okay I've only read the first couple of paragraphs and I'm already invigorated. This is stellar stuff. I love this.
~ Titus 3: 11-13 ~                                                         
"Its ability to cause problems has certainly been confirmed!"
Known in other places as TheRexMan22!

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#3
Interesting take on the sequel, since I wish it would take place more on Isla Nublar (but there's always fan fiction, right). I've yet to write a more canonical fan fic (I usually add characters to mine), but I have a few ideas for a post JW story, including one told from Blue's point of view that combines another idea I have of a honeymoon couple crash landing on the island. They were originally heading for their honeymoon on the Hawaiian Islands in an recommissioned helicopter but somehow got veered off course (way off course). Smile
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#4
Okay, I've finished reading the rewritten JW script... I have to say, there's a lot in there that I wish had made it into the actual movie. LOTS of aspects were approved upon as well. Such as, Zara's character. She was a lot more likeable in your script, and interesting. Would have made her death a lot more impactful, too. Also, I like that Owen was introduced earlier on; it's also quite interesting how you made him a scientist with no mention of a military background. That aspect wasn't necessarily harmful to Owen's character in the movie, but I think just making him a plain old scientist is better.
I appreciated how you made the Indominus utilize her cloaking skills more often, too. And the thunderstorm during the final act was a very nice touch. I sorely felt the lack of rainfall in the movie when I watched it.
And I think that stretching it out over more days was a good rendition, too.
All in all, I really like what you did with the original script. You improved upon it in my honest opinion. Probably my favorite change was the introduction with a young John Hammond; I feel that was so necessary for the movie, and I'm bothered that they didn't include something like it. These changes would have made the movie a far better movie I think. Well done and great work there. I look forward to reading the JW 2 script next!
~ Titus 3: 11-13 ~                                                         
"Its ability to cause problems has certainly been confirmed!"
Known in other places as TheRexMan22!

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#5
Thank you for your feedback! The reason I made Owen a scientist instead of an ex-solider is because the only major character in the actual movie who's a scientist is Dr. Wu, who turned out to be a villain in the end. Basically, I wanted Owen to serve as counterbalance to the villainous scientist character of Dr. Wu with Owen being a heroic one.
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#6
I'm usually not so much for rewrites as they are drifting away from the actual canon, which - like it or not - are now out there, but I will give it a try. Comments got me curious Smile

To be honest about the synopsis for Return: it seems to go a lot in the direction of JP3, for which I didn't like the motives too much, but I do wonder how you plan to get Alan back on an island. Though I do hope to see Grant back for a JW sequel Smile
Dinosaurs will once again rule the earth!
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#7
While it is similar to JP3 in that people go missing on the island, and without giving much away, the motives behind them going to the island are more sinister.
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